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RACEHORSES

by Stranger Killings

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1.
Lethe 05:59
Lethe go on ahead x make that toast with water X drink the dead drink X drink the dead drink and forget ( for there is nothing to rest your hope on, and no sure thing on which for you to bet) I’ve danced with needles and slept with bottles taken smoke down deep in my lungs I tried to climb the ladder to heaven but could only swing from the bottom rung I’ve slept in the gutter seen my face reflected in wine like bridges in earthquakes I crumbled I fell together with faceless flesh and into dirty beds I tumbled but I could never forget then through asphodel i stumbled crushed flowers with my boot that threw up great clouds of pollen that drowned me and drugged me but on i walked over the backs of others who’d fallen I made my way down through the bowels of the earth past bones and diamonds and other things that have no worth I crept and I crawled till I found the bottom there was no heat and no cold I did not seat nor shiver through wandering I found the black banks of a river the powerful thirst that I carried all my life was never slaked by the tender touch of a wife or god or money or blood I danced with razors and ran with bottles slept fitful in the mud I hung myself with years and slashed myself with hours I fell like all things fall X be they bombs, or night, or towers whiskey had no mercy there was no hope in gin but when I knelt and drank deep from that river I found oblivion some men lay with whores and some men lay with swine they’ll always toast with whiskey and they’ll always toast with wine in those things there is no comfort so I’ll always toast with water and leave my luck, and memory behind X go on ahead X make that toast with whiskey go on ahead X make that toast with rye but you’ll just keep carrying on that thing you carry and bare it’s weight until you die I made the toast and drank the water and I forgot myself now maybe I’m just a better man X we all drink to forget yes we all drink to forget and god how I forgot it all I have no memory of fallin when i get up to stand for now maybe I’m just a better man
2.
Naked as the Day Everything is real And bright Everything jumps at the touch Everything is awake And alive But I will be empty of this thing It is my choice And they will see me naked Without control, artifice, or shame They will see me Naked as the day And I’ll be so pale That I will disappear in the light Chorus And there is panic now But there won’t be for long And fear cannot keep me keep me alive I am not a prisoner I will be a bright light In the forest deep I’ll illuminate The figures in the trees I’ll pass through Breath and song Ache and age Gold and rust I’ll pass through Lead and dust Love and crime Chorus II And fear cannot keep me alive this time If I can only keep the panic from my mind
3.
Send 'em Off 03:10
Send ‘Em Off my hands are criminals but my heart is a saint i splashed all the roads of the world with red paint I do my best to keep the world from drowning to keep it all straight and level I weep deeply for the damned when my two hands send ‘em off to the devil I’ve thrown their lights over their shoulders fired the ars moriendi down the barrel of a gun I’ve spoiled the rope, the razor, and the rod my heart is a criminal but my hands are saints when I send ‘em off to god
4.
Before the Flood Did you know me before the flood Was I gentle Was I good Did you know me before the flood Did I know you Did I invite you to my table Did I give you shelter from the night Or did I turn my back on you Or did I cause you pain Was it me who brought this rain So I’ll beg you for forgiveness as the wind screams and the sky cries Oh brother won’t you take my hand as the waters start to rise I love you brother I pray it’s our souls he saves I pray and beg forgiveness And when the water drowns this world I’ll still pray beneath the waves Brother was my heart so ugly Brother was my soul so stained Brother did I turn my back on you Oh father did I bring this rain Did you know me before the flood Was I lustfull Was I proud Did you know me before the flood Did I know you Did I raise my hand against you Did you suffer long Brother did I turn my back on you Oh brother did I do you wrong Did you know me before the flood Did I worship idols Did I bring my woman shame Did you know me before the flood Did I know you Did I give you comfort Did I keep you in my prayers Or did I forget your name Did I bring this curse upon us Oh father did I bring this rain Did I transgress a hundred times Did I live a life of sin Did I close the door on you my friend Or did I let you in Did I live a life son wrong Did I tell so many lies Brother won’t you take my hand As the waters start to rise Oh father will the devil take our souls Will he keep us all as slaves Oh father I pray only for forgiveness And when the water drowns this world I’ll still pray beneath the waves
5.
Night Turns Into Night who would follow you who would bother who would chase you down who would bother who would hunt you down who would bother the dogs who have your scent are not dogs at all the men who want your secrets are not men at all and the lace in your head is just lace and the silk in your skull is strong enough to hold secrets but the men who want secrets aren’t men at all and you know damn well that you have nothing they want you could kill for a gun and die for a bullet there are men who want everything there are hands that take everything but you don’t really have anything they want chorus you’ll escape down the alleyways you’ll confuse the kiss in your dreams for a mouth full of screams you’ll confuse a pen full of ink for a tree full of blight and you’ll stand all alone yes you’ll stand all alone and watch the night slowly turn into night you know that god was a gift from your mother you know how quickly a face can turn from another you know the secret of snow as it falls through a streetlight and the beauty of the rain as it falls in her eyes you know the words the wind whispers as it dies you know the secrets of knives you know the secrets of skin you know the name of the noise and you’ve kissed the mouth of the din you know the sisters of sleep yeah you know all their names but i know that you know that the men at your back want none of these things you know you have nothing they want but still they come x 3 you could die for a bullet or kill for a gun chorus you’ll get lost in the allies that twist in your dreams you confuse all the screams for a kiss made of steam you’ll confuse the beautiful glow of a fetch light for a moon that is full and bright and you’ll stand all alone yes you’ll stand all alone and watch the night slowly turn into night
6.
Bed of Heather Darling, put the knife down We can just get out of town There’s gotta be a place to go We’ll change our names So no one knows Darling, put the knife down We’ll leave tonight Without a sound We’ll get married And we’ll settle down And live a life that’s free I cannot put down the knife I can never be your wife Even if we built another life All our sins would still be sins And we’d see it in our children’s grins I cannot put the knife down Though it’s to you my heart is bound We could never live a life that’s free Chorus Come with me And you will see That I’ll love you forever I can not go And you must know We can never be together Just lie down Next to me Upon this lovely bed of heather I cannot put the knife down I’ll never wear a wedding gown I will never wear your ring I’ll never hear the bells sing It’s time we felt the blade’s sting There’s no one I love more than thee Lie down in this bed of heather And die next to me CHORUS If you cannot put the knife down Put on our mother’s wedding gown And I’ll lie beside you on the ground We can listen to the birds sing And then we’ll feel the blade’s sting And we will die together Upon this lovely bed of heather
7.
Bride's Eyes 04:19
Bride’s Eyes birch trees and green leaves pink ribbon and free livin’ bare feet and tall grass summers to come and summers past butterflies of every color the soothing pretty song of mother penny candy bramble bush and brier songs and stories told round the fire a bad deed punished a good one rewarded green glass beads and pretty rocks hoarded treasure that will never be replaced crossed eyes a breath held long mother’s soothing pretty song green leaves on the trees a song bird found dead now all the leaves on all the trees are turnin’ yellow and red it grows colder and she’s not much older than a lamb the leaves turn brown the wind picks up and whips the trees around and those sad dead leaves are ripped away and thrown down on the ground father seals a bond with words that sound like dead bird song the tall tall grass and green green field will never look the same there she’ll never go again to pray her heart and body smile and hand were given all away forget-me-nots and cricket song morning mist and summers long butterflies of every color the soft and pretty song of mother the mud and moss and fiddlehead all vanish with her maidenhead look into the bride’s eyes see that she is terrified terrified but strong though her free days are gone she knows that life round here don’t last too long stare into the bride’s eyes try to see what’s left of the innocence and luster stare into the bride’s eyes with all the courage you can muster because never once again will you see that beautiful luster stare into the bride’s eyes X and coldly watch as the light dies
8.
Hound’s tooth long ago the moon was bright and the birds sang all through the night but now there’s no more night and now the birds are just bone and the moon’s just a heavy heavy stone and you can’t figure out why the trees are all withered and the wind just hasn’t blown in years seems like it’s been years this place is just a dead name on a dead man’s tongue but now you’re here and there’s nowhere left to run one time it was hot here now it’s very cold seems you were young when you got here now you’re very old once you wanted silver once you wanted gold now you just want to lie down and turn to dirt, and dust, and mold the hound’s tooth in your pocket you pulled from your good boy’s mouth as he lay dyin’ when you hold it in your hand it makes you laugh out loud just as you’re cryin’ the viper’s fang on a leather band that you wear around your throat you ripped from a serpent’s mouth in a place that might once have been named Eden but now you’re here and there’s no one here to listen(hear) to your beggin’, and your pleadin’ no sky or sun for you to rejoice in when you clench that viper’s fang inside your fist the only thing that you can wish is that the thing was still full up with poison there’s nothing to rejoice in when you hold that fang inside your fist the only thing that you can wish is that the damn thing was still full up with poison you’ve been here an hour or a hundred years if it’s been a day it doesn’t make a lick of difference for here you’ll always stay there is nothing to rejoice in when you hold that viper’s fang inside your fist the only thing that you can wish is that it was still full up with poison.
9.
Abandoned Discarded Disavowed he shut up his eyes and I disappeared he he shut his eyes oh that I might shut mine too his true blood flowed through my streets and his breath came through my windows he turned his head and murderous union soaks in every bed I am covered in lice I am choked with waste I am ornamented in scum and bile and disgrace he shut his eyes oh that i could shut mine too I am painted in mud I am built from lust once he walked my streets but now my stones are just bare stones I am a harbour for rats and pestilence the men are just dogs that eat from the table and the women are just snakes that strike from the shadows my tears are urine and my windows are wounds my doorways are snares my alleyways are cunts that give birth to obscenities wet with wine the caul on their heads are just children ripped from their beds who’s dreams were of venom and vomit and red the curves of my arches are the curves of a whore oh god I wish I could close all my doors there was an olive tree that thrived in me but now it’s covered in flame there is no one left who remembers your name except me you could see me even if you just opened one eye and ignored all the maggots that bloomed into flies the sky is all black there’s nothing left of the blue you shut your eyes oh that i could shut mine too
10.
Sugar Baby Doll My sugar baby doll, she came to With blackened eyes And all her dresses torn She’d been handled by two rough hands Two hands of heavy lead That scraped and clawed And cracked her lovely little head CHORUS: My sugar baby doll Was a tiny little thing She needed comfort and protection And she needed me to sing Hush now, baby doll The dawn bakes cakes of light And you and I will eat our fill If we can just survive the night Sugar shook and trembled And nary blinked an eye She held her breath and counted ten And then began to cry He was bigger than the clouds Up in dark and stormy skies As she wept I took her in my arms And soothed her broken head He had pulled her from her cozy home That hid beneath my bed He slapped and bit and beat and tore The rarest of her parts ‘Till they were running red CHORUS Each night from that night on She slept safely in my bed But each night she woke and cried ‘Till her eyes were crimson red She dreamed of a cold and stinking hulk Who was bigger than the clouds Up in dark and stormy skies I tried to tend but could never mend Her tender, rarest parts And when each night she screamed It tore my rare and tender heart I tried to tend but could never mend Her precious broken head Each night when she in terror woke I wished that I was dead CHORUS My sugar baby doll I could not protect I could not keep her safe She never slept and never ate And soon began to waste And when she died in early spring I wrapped her up in lace I buried her in a lush green hill Upon its eastern face So she might take comfort in the dawn And finally reach a state of grace CHORUS When I laid my sugar baby doll away I learned there were no devils No devils pulling wires Only men who tend and stoke Their awful little fires And when I laid my sugar baby doll away I learned there are no angels That set the bell to swing It’s only wind or man to blame When the bell begins to ring There are no martyrs, saints, or sinners And no god for tiny things

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released February 14, 2016

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Stranger Killings Portland, Oregon

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