Widow Speak

by Stranger Killings

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1.
03:35
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05:08
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05:22
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04:56
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06:17
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06:59
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03:40
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11.

credits

released February 12, 2016

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Stranger Killings Portland, Oregon

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Track Name: Dark Field
I don’t want to be on offender
I don’t want to be a victim
I think I need some help
I think I need some help
I just want to take my mask off
I just want to put my gloves on
I just want to hear a sweet song
that I knew when I was young
I want the love
that will never tell it’s secrets
that will never share it’s name
for I am such a shameful name
and I have such and ugly touch
I just want to put my mask on
I just want to take the gloves off
and feel the skin
on skin
on skin
on skin
I’ve shaved away the hair
I’ve torn away my clothes
my feet are in the mud
of a dark field
a dark field
a dark field
a dark field
I’m tearing off my mask
I’m burning off my skin
my skin
my skin
I just want to hear you sing a sweet song
I knew when I was young
as I run
through a dark field
a dark field
a dark field
Track Name: I got a shiver
I got a shiver



did lightning pick that spot
can I find it with a dowsing wand
is it in a deep dark wood
or a deep dark pond
do others sleep there
am I now in their dreams
did I have a stake in that ground
the moment I screamed

chorus
I don’t know, I don’t know but I’m cold
and I shiver and shake
I just know someone’s walking over my grave
will it be frozen there
will the dirt give no quarter
when I’m buried there will I only dream of winter
will I be on a high high mountain
where I am close to god
will it be to the east of eden
deep in the land of nod)
chorus

I never spared my son the rod
I always went to church
but once when we were starving
I stabbed a man
and robbed him of his purse

I worked my land
i drank of gin
it only seemed a minor sin
everyday I tried to be a better man
I’ve taken some with brutal hands
all I could spare I gave
but now I’m cold, and I shiver, and I shake
I just know that someone’s dancing on my grave
will my son be there
will my wife
In hate or sorrow will they shed their tears
will it be just days from now
will I be blessed with years
(will I be cursed with years)

I can not be sure of my character
or if I’ll slip through that needle’s eye
will I just lie down and sleep forever when I die
will there be a marker
will there be a stone
when I lie down that final time
will I always rest alone

who can ever know
who can ever know
I’m so worried for my soul
I’m cold, and I shiver, and I shake
I try so hard to be brave
but I’m sure there’s someone out there
laughing at my wake
and someone’s dancing on my grave
Track Name: Let me alone
Let me alone


chorus
let me die alone
the world can see me after
I don’t want no sunshine
I don’t want no shelter
I don’t want no winter
I just want a stand of pine
and all can see me after
let me die alone

there’s no water in the river
to hold me up when I fall in
to bear me out to sea
to take me far from all this sin

but there are stones a plenty
to break my fall when I jump in
to break the bones of all my sorrows
tear up all the sorrow of my skin

there’s no wind to pick me up
to bring a sweeter breath
to carry off my prayers to god
before my coming death
chorus
no history surrounds me
to keep me solid
preserving me in action, memory, or deed
no lovers mouth to whisper words of need

there are tears
far too few to quench my desert's thirst
too few to wash away the dirt
no words, or letters, or weeping weather
to wash the tears away
chorus
Track Name: the 29th day
slit the fine throats of 29 years
on the 29th day
hear the pistol bay
see the bullets bite
survive the 29th day
just to be lost to the 29th night
the first lightning is coming down
coming down
but the bird is born
when it touches ground
they all laid down to die on the 29th day
heat smothers
and murder is a spike driven into the heart of obsession
as two queens held hands, and disappeared
I fear that I’ll be lost to the 29th day
just as they were lost to the years
when the swan dies
when it’s star explodes
the night will split
and I will slip behind the benevolent mother
whose daughters were gagged, and bound, and bled
upon an altar of furnaces, and smokestacks
my 29 sisters
my 29 lovers
fell on the worst of all daggers
and were lost to the 29th day
the toll for heat is high
the price of war is opium
and the ocean strikes back with an ugly fist
yet in tenderness carries so many
on the tide of it’s wrists
to rest gently with silt, and a lightless weight
that clasps them to her benthic breast
I fear for the men who cross oceans on the 29th day
I fear for the atom that is broken, and bleeds winter on the 29th day
and the men who steal dirt, to bury their saints
for the drowning buildings, and the starving homes
for those who sat down at tables dressed in rags
to a meal of mud, and wood, and bone, bread of stone, and wine of discord that only fed despair
men fell but were stopped before reaching the ground
their seed spilling out without making a sound
two sisters of perfect invention forged a bond of perfect destruction
that was severed on the 29th day
the first lightning came down
melted sand into glass
burned shadows to ash
and all skin was dusted in grey
I came, and I stood on the grave of the summer
and I was lost on the 29th day
Track Name: Lucky Guy
I’m so lucky
I’ve killed a million men
and laughed about every life I took
I’ve run the length of every gam
and stuck my hand in every crook where those stems meet
all the ladies in a row shake, and twist, and shout
In my dreams
I dodged a million bullets
walked between a million raindrops
I’ve touched so many stars
I’ve drunk so many bars under the table
My life is fox and sable
And I’m so goddamn stable
I could kick over the table and never break a sweat
all those ladies in a row
shake, and twist, and shout out loud
in my dreams
I’m a lucky guy X 2
In dreams
I bet a million on trumped up charges
and I won big when the jury was hung
I smoke a million packs a day
still got angel white lungs
a broken heart never stings
a bottle never rung with sobs
I’m jumping out the window, and it’s a million to one odds that I’ll fly
but I know I’ll fly
cause I’m a luck guy
my life’s the stuff of dreams
I waltz down all the moon beams
I’m a lucky guy X ?
in dreams
Track Name: Winter Buries
Winter Buries

Autumn rots
breath, and lung, and branch
rots time, and towers, and hours
drowns in showers
flower spiders
and spider flowers
the worm is fat
and the sunlight cowers
Autumn rots
the tooth, and bone
the seat of the soul
and golden throne
the apple cheek
and bitter crone
the wood
the spine
the anguished stone
rots the ink in every word
and drives the wind from wings of birds

Winter buries
buries secrets
buries time
buries diamonds
buries mines
with pockets lined in lead
it buries the living
it buries the dead
murders the wheat
kills all the bread
buries the heat
and buries the bed
fills the pockets up with lead
buries the living
as well as the dead
winter buries
buries well
in coldest clay
beneath all hell
Track Name: my hunger
My Hunger

The elements eat
The insects eat
The dirt will consume
All come eat of me
Let me be thy bread
For my own mouth has forsaken bread

Chorus
I’ll live on bird and insect song and breath
A food that brings me peace
A feast that brings me death

My hunger is a symphony
My thirst is an aria
As I melt my grave wax
Fat is pregnant mud
And potash soul
The rain and my rendering
Wash the stones
Wash the stones clean
My heart in waning meter
lurks beneath
Intestinal brass and
Weezy reedy lights
All of nature is ravenous
But I’m outside of nature now
I’m outside of drive, and light, and hope
But soon I will be taken back in
Folded back into the dirt again
I will be part of everything again

Chorus

Slip and mud my mother
Take me to your breast
I’ve left behind all I knew of living
And all I thought I knew of dying
The taste of air and light is all I need
I have no lust for even the most tender meat

Chorus End
Track Name: Roman Nose
Roman Nose


I couldn’t find you
I can’t find you
sisters and fathers
I can’t save you
I can’t find them
I found you
I can’t recall their faces
I can’t find them
let’s run away and get married 15 years ago
we were still young then
I’m old now
I’m not sure I knew you
I knew you
where did I go
when you fell, where were you
where was i
your call could have come from a million years ago
a million miles away
I would have answered
If I hadn’t forgotten you
let’s run away and get married 15 years ago
there would have been war, and we would have choked
and I’d still be missing you today
so I love you now
as you were then
a memory of when we were young
I love you now as you might have been
as you always were
i love you then
I love you now
where did you go
while I was sleeping
maybe fifteen years from then
you never thought of me
now I don’t know


we should have run away
and gotten married fifteen years ago
where did you go
there’s a picture here
you are black and white
as beautiful as ever
as beautiful as everything I didn’t know
and all the things I don’t know now
I’m not sure we ever touched
I love you that much
did either of us really grow
we should have run away and gotten married 15 years ago
from here I know you loved me then
we’d be severed veins now
I’d still love you anyhow
I love you as you should be now
your roman nose
and heavy brow
hands that never touched
should have no memory of touching
I have no memory of touching
but I know how you would feel
silk, and laugh, and wood, and steel
hammered string, and bandage peel
and everything I thought was real
the cutting eye and despairing glow
we should have run away and gotten married 15 years ago
Track Name: Alone
He is one
he is alone
I am one
one of many
we are of him
but he is not of us
He is alone X2

there must be such sadness in greatness
such despair in perfection
He is alone

If I could take him to my breast
and kiss his worried brow
I would make a solemn vow
that in my arms he’d always rest
and never be alone

now in our time we can not touch
for kindness breeds distrust
we must arrest the urge to reach for the distressed
forsake the burdened stranger
leave him bereft of comfort’s warm caress (c)
still we will never be alone
there must be such sadness in greatness
such despair in perfection
such grand isolation
he is alone X2

If I could take him to my breast
I’d make for him a home
and fill it up with sons, and daughters
whose voices sang like river waters
who were not afraid to touch
or give themselves to every troubled heart with love
and bare up the hallowed olive branch
and tend the faultless dove
on muscle, blood, and soul, and bone
on wife’s devotion, mother’s love, and blessed home (c, g)
I would make my solemn vow
that he would never be alone X2

he would be my joy, and pride
and that would be my sin
(so) in the whole of me I ache with what I know
that when I die I’ll go to him
but he will always be alone X2
Track Name: the Lights of Marie
the lights of Marie

that light never shined on me
never in the night of my life did it shine through the trees
I peeled back the curtain
I peeled back the veil
I parted the bell, and the dress, and the sea
I rose through the smoke, scrapped the stage with the nails in my boots
and I showed them the lights of Marie

thy countenance languish
thy words become stilted
thy dress become jilted, and wilted, and flensed
thy bone become yoked to terror, and tragedy

I wore her heart on my sleeve
I stood in the smoke
and I showed them the lights of Marie

the heat did not cleanse me
the kiss could not cure me
did not but obscure me
and lure me to her ugly end
I did not quail at the threat of the gallows
the knife of her light never carved all my shadows
away

with thy countenance averted
I did pale
sing the Lark of Mont Blanc
break the day, and show that my body is shale
and aspires to nothing so great as the song from her lips
but the grime beneath her sharpened nails
Track Name: organs of the firmament
Organs of the firmament

I heard the voice that is the sum of all love
and I was changed
I died on a widow’s lips
I heard the world pray with a lisp
but my own lips were burned clean
by a blessed kiss
I was transformed
by a cleansing fire
left alive in its wake
just to see the death of all men
the first letter is heavy on my brow

a great sword laid the night aside
a great sword flayed the night alive
and I was shown the organs of the firmament

and the veins of sorrow
that ruptured and wept
the blood that ran
was a river that fed my soul
and filled up the cup of my mind
till it overflowed
soaking my bones, my tongue, my lungs
and my guts that were filled with the shit of the world
I pinned myself to a throat filled with song
with nails that I drove through my wrists
my side was pierced by blue lightning
there were thieves at both of my sides
they held my hands as I fell
and was swallowed by the night
that was flayed alive
that was drawn from between my lips
as I spoke of the end
and the death of all men
and the souls that rise from decay
that are called to the naked breast of the night
that was flayed alive
and I know that some men become angels
it is written in hidden books
but it is written just the same